Marla and Lael
Versatile artist Marla Mase – writer, performer, recording artist, and the COO of Brooklyn-based True Groove Records – recently returned from her third tour of the UK, promoting her eighth and ninth albums, The Fine Art of Pissing in the Bushes and Infinite They Went.
She is currently touring Being Somebody, a show she co-wrote and performs with her 88-year-old father, Dr. Howard Mase. Her other theatrical works have been featured at prestigious venues such as La MaMa ETC, NYC SummerStage, NJPAC, SXSW, and Nuyorican Poets Café.
Mase’s other, very personal project is The Lael Project, a tribute to Mase’s daughter Lael, who took her own life in 2017 just before her 25th birthday.
Lael struggled with depression, anorexia, and suicidal thoughts from a young age. Despite her own battles, she chose to help others, working at a treatment center in Los Angeles for individuals suffering from mental illness.
Mase’s mission now is to honor Lael’s legacy by using her music to help others recognize the signs of suicide and seek help. The Lael Project is a two-volume album featuring both original songs and covers recorded by Lael during her brief but impactful music career. The project features re-mixes, never-before-released material, live recordings dating back to her pre-teen years, and remastered versions of her two existing albums, Burden to Bear (2013) and Life in Color (2015).
Lael’s cover of Adele’s “Hello” is the first release from The Lael Project.
Scheduled for release in 2025 under Brooklyn’s True Groove Records, The Lael Project aims to initiate conversations about mental illness and break the stigma around suicide.
Mase explains, “Her songs were very much about her struggle. I want to help break the stigma around suicide and let people know that it’s okay to talk about these feelings, whether it’s your own or someone you care about. These conversations can save lives.”
Tattoo.com spoke with Marla Mase about Lael, her music, and her suicide, resulting in a heartbreaking, emotionally gut-wrenching interview.
How did you get started in music?
By the time I was in my 30’s I was writing solo shows, monologues, and plays and performing in them, but the one thing I didn’t do was music. I did play classical piano as a kid between the ages of 6-12 and loved it. But, you know, how it goes, I became more interested in hanging out at teen discos and going skating at Roller Palace in Sheepshead Bay, hoping whoever I had a crush on would ask me to dance or skate with him before Donna Summer’s ‘Last Dance’ came on.
Piano lessons were left behind.
In fact, I used to joke, ‘I really should be a rocker, but I don’t write music, and I don’t sing. Oh well. Next life.’ Fast forward to 2007. I was having a hard time – my daughter was being ravaged by an eating disorder, my marriage was breaking up, the life I had built was crumbling. My anxiety went from the occasional panic attack to a year-long unrelenting one. 24/7. The only thing that gave me a respite, I discovered, was singing. So, I began to sing, each morning, songs from ‘The Sound of Music,’ ‘Chicago,’ ‘The Little Mermaid,’ The Kinks, The Clash, whatever moved me…and soon after that, my own songs started coming. I was deluged by them. One after the other. I started to incorporate these songs into my monologues/shows and began performing them live at clubs in NYC. Acappella!
It was all very healing and miraculous. However, I knew that if I wanted to grow, I needed to work with a musician. I met the brilliant songwriter/producer/guitarist Tomás Doncker in 2009, who focused my ideas/songs (aka co-wrote) and did his Doncker magic on them. He got what I was about right from the get-go. He inspired and encouraged me to take advantage of the momentum I was building and to record an album with the songs from my rock opera ‘A Brief Night Out.’
And so, I put my fears aside, and I did it. I was hooked. I began my second album ‘SPEAK’ immediately afterward and haven’t stopped since.
Since that time, I’ve recorded nine albums, toured in China, Europe, and the US, and have been a featured artist at SXSW, NAM, Daytrotter, and many other festivals. Three of my albums have been produced as multi-media theatrical concerts, each with a large cast of actors, dancers, and musicians at prestigious venues such as Summerstage NYC, NJPAC, La Mama ETC, White Eagle Hall, and the Nuyorican Poets Café.
This past year I’ve toured the UK three times in support of my eighth digital album ‘The Fine Art of Pissing in The Bushes, Vol .1,’ and my first vinyl album, ‘Infinite They Went.’ I will be returning to the UK this coming February and again in the Summer of 2025. I already have some festival gigs lined up and will be releasing my new album ‘The Midnight Show.’
How would you describe your own music?
I don’t have a genre. I do what calls to me. It’s very Mase. That’s all I can say. Must be cuz I’m from Brooklyn. Hah.
Tell us a bit about The Lael Project. What motivated you to undertake the project?
The Lael Project is named after my daughter Lael who died by suicide in 2017. It is a tribute to her music and her life, both as an artist and even more importantly as someone who was devoted (because of her own struggles) to helping others who were struggling with depression, suicide ideation, and other mental health issues. Her goal was to ‘help just one person.’
I always knew I wanted more people to hear her music. She was an incredible singer and songwriter and she left behind this phenomenal body of work. It was her legacy. But I wasn’t ready. It was too painful, too raw. (To be honest, that pain and rawness never goes away, but you learn to live with it, to accept it, to be ‘friends’ with it. It’s the price, as they say, of loving someone). But now, seven years later, I am ready. To put her music out there and to carry on her wish ‘to help just one person’ and to join the growing community of people who are dedicated to breaking the silence, the stigma, and shame around having depression, mental illness, and suicidal thoughts. I have never been silent about our story; in fact, most of my work is about it, but it has taken me seven years to believe suicide may be preventable, that Lael had a shot, and that there are actions/concrete actions one can take to support and perhaps help alter the course of the life of another person.
The musical component of ‘The Lael Project’ will be an ongoing series of releases featuring both original songs and covers recorded by Lael. It’s comprised of re-mixes, never-before-released material, live recordings dating back to her pre-teen years, and remastered versions of her two existing albums, ‘Burden to Bear’ (2013) and ‘Life in Color’ (2015). (You can find her work on all the usual streaming platforms).
Lael, too, was not silent about her struggles. Her songs spoke to her lifelong depression, her eating disorder, to the girls she met along the way in the many residential treatment centers she had been in as well as the ‘usual’ ups and downs of dating and the yearning to find love
They span the gamut of emotions – from sassy irreverent girl power anthems to soulful ballads seeking a respite from the pain she feels and sees all around her.
We believe by sharing her songs, her life story, our life story (mental illness is a family ‘disease’), we hope it will give others the permission and the inspiration to share their own. To let them know they are not alone, that it’s ok to open up and speak, that there is no shame or judgment in what they are experiencing, and that together we can pave a way toward healing. I am a firm believer in the power of storytelling. It’s a path, I am sure, out of the darkness.
Tragically, you lost your daughter, Lael, to suicide. Was there any indication she was having suicidal thoughts?
Absolutely. One of her major mental health battles was suicide ideation and suicidality. The first known mention of suicide was when she was in third grade. We were called in to meet with the principal after Lael had told her teacher in an email that she wanted to kill herself. They sent her to be evaluated by a counselor. The counselor said she didn’t need therapy, but we should consider family therapy. We didn’t do it. It’s one of my regrets. I thought perhaps she was looking for attention because she was jealous of another girl in her class who was getting a lot of private time with the teacher. This girl had recently lost both her parents and moved to NYC to live with her aunt and uncle. You know, at the time, it would never have occurred to me that my nine-year-old was suffering from depression. It wasn’t in the family, and so I had no reference point. A few years later, we were told by her sixth-grade guidance counselor, that she had taken a few Advil when she was with her friends and that she was at risk for an eating disorder. Two weeks later when she came home from camp for the weekend, I saw that she was barely eating, that she went to the bathroom after every meal, and that the sink and toilet were clogging up constantly. I looked up eating disorders online and check check check – these were all signs of an eating disorder. A month and a half later she had lost 26 pounds and was hospitalized. She had just turned 12.
From that summer on, it was a life of many hospitalizations, residential treatment centers, therapists, psychiatrists, medications, hope, no hope, gaining weight, losing weight, cutting, and so on. When she was 15, we sent her to a treatment center in Utah. It was her fifth one. She was there for 17 months. It saved her life, (Lael said so herself), and I believe it gave us eight more years. She finished high school in NYC, then went to the Thornton School of Music at USC, graduated, worked at a residential treatment center in Los Angeles helping others, had wonderful friends, a great apartment, and tried killing herself twice. Once in 2013 and again on Election Day 2016.
So, no it was not a surprise. I knew it was very possible that I may one day lose my daughter to suicide. On paper, she had it all – beauty, intelligence, talent, wonderful friends, a loving family, and yet she didn’t want to be here. When she was 23, she said to me, ‘Mom, I’m a sick girl. I know I have a great family, great friends, a fabulous life, but I can’t take the moods anymore. I can’t take being pushed down into the darkness anymore. To be honest, sometimes, I resent all of you for loving me, for making me stay.’
That’s depression. Major Depressive Disorder.
Then it happened…on July 26, 2017…. she jumped off the George Washington Bridge in NYC.
You can never prepare for what happens to your life when you lose a child. Never.

Lael
Is it possible to pick up signals that someone might be suicidal? What is the best way to approach and support someone who is?
Yes, there are some tell-tale signs that someone may be suicidal, but keep in mind suicide is mysterious and every story is completely unique. I’ve been in Suicide Loss Survivor Groups with people who lost a loved one to suicide, and they didn’t have a clue that their loved one was depressed, let alone suicidal. Not a clue. I feel for them. It seemingly came out of nowhere. An unexpected bomb dropped on to the lives of everyone who loved that person. Not even a note left behind. Those survivors suffer tremendously from the never knowing why.
Still, there are red flags/signals.
Some I experienced when Lael was alive, some I learned about after she died. (I highly recommend that you follow @TWLOHA on IG – they are an invaluable resource, and they talk about red flags/signals, what to do, and what not to do…Some of what I mention below comes directly from their page.)
Passive suicidal ideation:
– “I wish I didn’t exist anymore” “I wish I could just disappear” “I hope I don’t wake up tomorrow.”
– Isolating oneself from friends and family.
– Not doing or enjoying things they once enjoyed.
– Not taking care of one’s appearance.
-Change in grades. Change in work situation.
All of the above must be taken seriously. These are signs of depression and/or an emerging mental illness – all of which could lead to suicide.
Active Suicidal Thoughts & Behavior:
– “I’m a burden. You would all be better off without me.” This is a huge red flag. (This is not attention seeking, they truly believe this, and it could be indicative that a plan is being put in place.)
– They have a plan.
When Lael was in 7th grade, she wrote a journal entry that she shared with her therapist, ‘I want to disappear and fly like Peter Pan. I’ll jump out of the window of D’s 17th floor apartment, and I’ll finally be free.’ Of course, her therapist called me and said that Lael needed to be taken to the hospital immediately. That was her first 72-hour hold.
– They start saying ‘goodbye’ or “I love you.”
i.e. Lael’s suicide attempt in 2013 – she texted me, her father, and her brother, ‘I love you.’ I didn’t think much of it because she would text me that all the time, but her father was very concerned because it was unusual for her to text him that out of the blue, and when he wasn’t able to reach her, he called me in a panic. ‘I’m worried about Lael. I keep calling and texting her and she hasn’t answered me all day. Have you heard from her?’ I hadn’t, but I figured she was busy with schoolwork, and it wasn’t unusual for me not to hear from her for a day, but to him it was. Later that night Lael called me and as soon as I heard her voice, I knew that her father had been right. She confessed that she had ‘slipped,’ that she had taken a handful of pills, drank a glass of wine, locked herself in her bedroom, and laid down on her bed. She lived with 10 other housemates (she was still at USC at the time) and none of them noticed she was gone. She woke up 28 hours later, told two of them what she had done, and then called me. ‘This is not a relapse Mom.’ I asked to speak with her friends and told them to take her to the hospital ASAP. (That was her second 72-hour hold.)
What I have learned and what I didn’t know with Lael was that the best way to approach someone who you think may be suicidal is to ask them, directly: “Are you suicidal?” “Do you have a plan?”
These questions do not, as some might fear, put the idea of suicide in someone’s head. In fact, it does the opposite – it gives a person who is ideating or planning permission to talk about it. It opens up the conversation. It says, ‘I am here for you.’
It is extremely important to: LISTEN TO WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY/EMPATHIZE (take it seriously) – Don’t minimize, negate, interrupt, analyze, try to fix –simply LISTEN.
If the person says, ‘Yes, I am suicidal’ and/or ‘yes I have a plan.’ Do not leave this person alone. Reach out to their therapist, call a mental health crisis line (i.e. 988 in the US), bring them to the hospital, or get a hold of someone ASAP.
I wish I had known to ask directly when Lael was still alive. We would talk about her suicidality, but it was in a roundabout way. I wasn’t sure how to respond to her in 2015 when she said, ‘A few weeks ago I tried to hang myself but then changed my mind.’ What? Suddenly, the day went surreal – there she was, after a long fun day together doing Mom/Daughter stuff in Santa Monica, standing in her living room saying these words to me … You have to understand that I had been living with shocks and crises for years with Lael, and all I could get out was, ‘I’m so sorry you felt that way. I’m glad you changed your mind, Lael.’ I’m sure I said more, but the point is, no one knows how to intuitively handle any of this stuff…and I was so afraid of saying the wrong thing, of upsetting her emotional state. I had been walking on eggshells for years. Now, I know better. Now, I know that it is best to be honest and direct. ‘Say what you mean and don’t say it mean.’ Now, I know I could have said, ‘Are you still feeling suicidal?’
Her therapist, whom she was very close with, also had the same regret. She told me a few months after Lael died, ‘I would try to take her focus off the suicide ideations and re-direct her to talk about all the positive things that were going on in her life. Distract her so to speak. Now I know better. I should have let her talk. I should have asked. I should have kept that conversation going.’
How did Lael get started in music? Which instruments did she play?
Lael started singing when she was two years old. She used to watch these kids’ sing-along videos. She was obsessed with them, and she would watch them over and over – every day from her first birthday on. One day her dad and I started singing the songs to her. We’d sing half a sentence, and then she would finish it by singing the rest. We were amazed. We had no idea that she could even speak that well, let alone know the lyrics and the melodies to every single song by heart. There must have been 25 songs at least. From that point on she never stopped singing.
She started taking singing lessons when she was 10 years old, her teacher from back then still says that Lael was the most soulful singer she has ever worked with, and she has worked with thousands. She then went to The School of Rock, they wanted her in their All-Stars Touring Company, but they were concerned about her fragility due to her anorexia. She got into LaGuardia Performing Arts High School in NYC (aka the ‘Fame’ high school) for vocals. She went for one year, but by the beginning of her sophomore year, we had to pull her out. Her depression and suicidality were at a peak… I was afraid to leave her alone for fear she would kill herself. She clearly needed more help and after four years of doing everything we could, we decided to send her to the treatment center in Utah that I mentioned earlier. She continued to sing. It was her lifeline.
Every few months there would be a family weekend at the center when the parents of the girls would fly in from all over the country. Those weekends were brutal, but the bright spot was the Talent Show that the girls would put on for us. Lael, of course, would sing. I remember at one of those weekends someone’s father came up to me and said, ‘What is your daughter doing here? She shouldn’t be here. This isn’t a place for her. She should be on American Idol.’
But the truth is, she did belong there.
After 17 months Lael returned home. She was much stronger and had many tools to help her cope. We were all very hopeful. She finished her senior year of high school in NYC and then went to the Prestigious Pop Music Program at USC’s Thornton School of Music. She was one of 20 kids in the country who got accepted into the program. She graduated in 2014.
Tell us about “Hello,” the first single from ‘The Lael Project,’ and how it was produced.
After college, Lael began to secretly sing on this car-pool karaoke app. She already had two acclaimed albums out on True Groove Records, but had decided to take a break from the music business – she didn’t think she could handle the demands or had the skin tough enough to pursue and live the life of a pop artist. She met with her therapist and me one day shortly after her second album was released, and said, ‘Mom, I’m sorry. I can’t do it. Look at me. I’ll never be able to handle it. The attention. The critics. People commenting on how I look, commenting on my body. I’ll fall apart.’ I said, ‘Laeli, I love you. There’s no need to apologize. I just want you to live your life and find some peace. Do what’s right for your heart and for your spirit. That’s all I want for you. I don’t care about anything else.’ So, she got a job at a residential treatment center for adults in Los Angeles. I can’t tell you how many people reached out to me after she died and told me that Lael was the reason they had recovered – her empathy, her truly getting what they were going through, her not letting them get away with shit, and yes, her voice. Apparently, she would sing at work.
It was during this time that she would use the app and record herself singing her favorite songs. When she died the owner of the app messaged me on FB and said, ‘I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Lael. I want you to know that she was our favorite singer. We love her and we will miss her. Here are all the videos that she recorded on our app. We thought you would want them.’
One of those videos was ‘Hello.’ She recorded it on Oct 28, 2016. In her car. In Los Angeles.
It was both heartbreaking and transcendent. Her voice, her beauty – the message.
It sounded like it came straight from ‘the other side.’ How could this have been recorded on her iPhone and not in a studio? It didn’t seem possible, and yet it was a testament to how great a singer she was. As Tomás, her producer, has always said, ‘When Lael sings, there’s blood on every note.’
We knew right away this had to be the first single of ‘The Lael Project.’
It is an invocation of sorts by Lael via Adele’s lyrics to say, ‘Hey, I’m here. I’m ready to have a conversation, to make amends, but to also let you know that I haven’t left you. I’m watching over you as I promised I would and that you are all much closer to your deceased loved ones than you think.’ Proof that the veil is really that thin.
Still, we couldn’t release the song as it was. Tomás Doncker and James Dellatacoma, her producers, knew that, and thanks to the available technology and most importantly their genius, they extracted her vocals from the karaoke recording and built a sonically futuristic atmosphere around it that supports the delicate and extraordinary message conveyed in the song.
I have no doubt that Adele’s breath would be taken away if she heard Lael’s version. One of the great gifts of being an artist is when we discover that our work has truths and messages in it that we ourselves were unaware of when creating it. The work is always way bigger than the artist.
Which artists have been inspiring you lately, or that you feel are consistently pushing boundaries and changing the game?
Ivo Van Hove (Theatre Director) & Jan Versweyveld (Set Designer): What an incredible partnership. Every play they do is based on a film script. Without rewatching the film, Van Hove and Versweyveld transform the same story into theatre.
Their sets and audience seating push the boundaries of what an audience member’s role is. In one show audience members had to lie on beds; in another, they are filmed by the actors on stage and are forced to realize that they too are accountable participants in the actions of the story being told. They did this in Visconti’s ‘Damned,’ which I saw in NYC. It was bone-chilling. Their interpretation of Arthur Miller’s ‘A View From The Bridge’ and Williams’ ‘A Streetcar Named Desire’ are two of my favorite theatrical productions. It’s a dream of mine to see their take on ‘The Pill’ a play written by me, Lael, my son, my father, and my mother.
John Cassavetes/Gina Rowlands: I know they are not new, but their work is still changing the game and inspiring emerging filmmakers and actors. In fact, Cassevetes is one of Ivo and Jan’s inspirations. Their production of ‘Koppen’ was based on John Cassavetes’ film ‘Faces.’ I finally saw ‘A Woman Under the Influence’ and it blew me away. That’s not accurate. It shattered me. Pieces of Mabel Longhetti’s DNA flew off of the screen and now lives intertwined with my own. Talk about epigenetics. Hands down, one of the best performances I’ve ever seen.
Martin McDonagh: Playwright/Filmmaker – ‘The Pillowman,’ ‘The Banshees of Inisherin,’ ‘Seven Psychopaths,’ ‘In Bruges’ – love his weaving together of the metaphysical, mystical and spiritual as it intersects with the reality of violence. Genius.
David Bowie: Very few people out there today are as cutting edge as he was and still is. Way before his time….and we’re still waiting for that time to arrive.
Frida Kahlo: Need I say more?
David Cale: (Playwright/Actor/Songwriter). I absolutely adore David Cale and his work. He’s a NYC-based artist who wrote the hit one-man show ‘Harry Clarke’ starring Billy Crudup on the West End and Off-Broadway. My son and I went to see it six months after my daughter died. Halfway through the show we both looked at each other and said, ‘This is f—king amazing.’ It was the first time since her death that we both experienced a moment of absolute delight and it gave us hope, that joy was still possible. It’s available as an audio play on Audible and I highly recommend checking it out. Needless to say, I became a huge fan. His autobiographical musical solo show, ‘We’re Only Alive For A Short Amount of Time’ is perhaps the most moving show I have ever seen. David’s genius resides in his wide-open heart, his humor, his empathy, and his authenticity. I send everyone I know to see anything written and/or performed by David, and they all fall head over heels with him as I have. In some ways, he may be the greatest boundary pusher of them all. His appreciation and public recognition of other artists, music, photographers, singers, and birds – his generosity in sharing what inspires him, as a means to uplift others – reminds me that love, respect, and kindness are one of the most powerful ways to change the game. What is more radical than that?
Which do you enjoy the most: writing, recording, practicing, or playing live?
Right now, my favorite is playing live. I love the do or die of it, the adrenaline rush, and the immediate connection to people in a room. Nothing like it. In my opinion, It’s the best thing we can do. Be alive together.
What three things can’t you live without?
Peanut Butter.
Connection. I really cannot live without it. I need other people. I cannot do this life without the love and support of others, and I cannot do this life without loving and supporting others.
LOVE. Ok, there I said it. At Lael’s funeral, it was pouring rain, and 500 people were standing huddled together with umbrellas, protecting each other from the downpour. All those faces, those umbrellas, those tears – we were all holding each other’s broken hearts, and then, just like in the movies, the rain stopped for a moment, the clouds opened up and I saw one ray of light coming down from above and I heard Lael’s voice, ‘It’s all about love Mom. It’s all about love.’
Did I mention PEANUT BUTTER?
What’s next for you?
I’ll be touring in the UK in FEB/MARCH 2025 to promote the digital release of my album ‘Infinite They Went,’ plus I’ll be doing some talks and performances in connection with ‘The Lael Project’ for Eating Disorder Awareness Week; I’ll be back again in the UK this Summer in support of the release of my 10th album ‘The Midnight Show.’ I already have a few festival dates booked.
I will continue to tour ‘Being Somebody,’ a show written and performed by me and my 89-year-old father, Dr. Howard Mase. It’s his coming-of-age story about growing up in Brooklyn in the 1940s/50s and I mirror his themes with stories about coming of age in Brooklyn during the disco 1970s. We debuted the show in 2023 and have been touring it ever since. We just came back from a 10-day tour in Florida. It’s one of the huge and unexpected blessings in my life right now.
Swimming in the beautiful blue seas of the Caribbean.
BTW, Lael had a few tattoos: Breathe on her wrist; Wings on her ankles; ‘This too shall pass…’ on her stomach. A quote from Ernest Hemingway on the side of her torso. The Hebrew letter for Chai (Life) on her back. The day she died she told me that she and her friend Ali were going to get Tattoos together.