It’s a New Year and with that, we get to shelve 2016 and all its disasters in the back of the closet. With the craziest mess in politics to date, a rash of beloved celebrity deaths, and more societal shocks than we were ready to accept, 2016 was—let’s be real here—a big, ol’ hot mess.
And while society was having a year-long nosedive, it seemed to open up the door for a rash of iffy fashion trends which probably would have been better tossed in the waste bin with the rest of the pile of shitty ideas.
So, while we’re saying a big energetic F*U to last year, here’s a few of those dreadful fashion trends that need to go out with the 2016 trash.
1. Bodysuits.
These were not flattering or even remotely cute back in the 70s, 80s, and early 90s, and they’re not any more flattering a decade later. Just when we thought this trend had died its slow and painful death, it managed to resurrect itself and come back with a vengeance. Today, you can’t shop a Forever21, Charlotte Russe, or [Insert Name of Junior Retail Store Here] without seeing a wall filled with bodysuits of all styles and colors. Why? Just…Why? 1980s Olivia Newton John would like her style back, please.
2. Fitness Trackers.
We get it. You’re sporty. But, really? Do you really need to know exactly how many steps you took each and every day? In the days before these tacky fitness bands began to make their appearance, people were able to maintain a healthy lifestyle without an unsightly band strapped to their wrist. And please, for the love of everything holy, please take your fitness band off when you dress up nicely!
3. Jogger Pants.
These are workout clothes, people. So, can we please, please, please leave these shoved in the gym bag where they belong? It is not attractive to see a man or woman wearing jogger pants in everyday life. Sure, we all have bum days. We all have those moments where we just throw on a pair of sweats and head out to the 24-hour Wal-Mart… But when a late-night-snack-run outfit becomes an everyday standard, we’ve got to check ourselves. What happened to the days of people dressing to impress? I don’t want to see your slacker clothes on a date, so please… stop already.
4. Mom Jean.
No. No. No.
Look, I’m all about being comfortable. I get it, I have kids. Running around after a two year old is exhausting and quite physical. I put my heels aside for something a little more supportive, and I pick my outfits by how much time I know I’ll spend that day chasing my little rugrat around. However, in no universe do Mom Jeans fit the quota for fashion. They should not be worn on a runway. They should not be worn to a business meeting. They should not be worn as a fashion statement, ever. You want relaxed? Get a pair of jeans styled with the boyfriend-cut.
5. Emoji-Fashion.
Okay, unless you’re an 8-year-old little girl with a sudden iphone fetish, there is no excuse for there to be emojis on your clothing. These cutesy, bubbly pictures have generally replaced our textual conversations and have flooded social media sites. Reading most internet posts these days is like wading through hieroglyphics, only less exciting. The last thing I want to do is see a stupid poop emoji on someone’s shirt when I venture away from the computer screen. They’re tacky, so let’s move on already.
6. Souvenir Jackets.
Okay, we’ve all seen these hideous eyesores. They’re satin, they’re Asian-inspired, and they look like they belong in the back aisle of a dollar store. The prints, usually animals such as a tiger or a dragon, look like they’ve been sewn on by a drunken toddler who hasn’t ever picked up a sewing needle in their life. You know the ones I’m talking about. Go on, throw it into a burn pit and light that sucker on fire. Bet it’ll go up quickly! Much like the old brightly-colored racing replica jackets of the early 2000s, these aren’t attractive.
7. Snapchat Filters.
While these aren’t an actual item of clothing, in a world that is heavily lived out on social media these are about as annoying as any accessory or stupid piece of clothing. Sure, the concept behind the filter is amusing—just ask my two year old—but really, why would you want to broadcast a picture of yourself donning dog ears? It’s just ridiculous, folks. Enough already.
